HOW IT WORKS
The couples therapy intensive is conducted during a single five hour session. I typically conduct intensives on Saturdays in my spacious Marin County office. The office is located steps away from restaurants and coffee shops with plenty of easy parking.
I utilize a very structured approach that I have fine tuned over the years. The intensive process is designed to efficiently provide maximal benefit without being so long that it is overwhelming. Please see the four parts of my process below.
Relationship Assessment
The current and historical factors contributing to relationship struggles are uncovered through a structured in-person assessment process. The assessment is conducted with both members present and individually.
Assessment Results
A clear picture of the factors leading to relationship breakdown is presented with in-depth explanations. The results process allows the couple to have a complete understanding, rather than just blaming and shaming.
Comprehensive Discussion
A meaningful discussion is facilitated with the couple in order to allow them to make sense of and accept the reality of their situation. Understanding and acceptance is critical to developing a future focused plan.
Clear Plan
Finally, the couple is guided as they develop a mutually agreed upon plan for the next steps of their relationship. Having a clear plan greatly reduces future conflict and resentment.
I find that sitting down with couples for multiple hours in a structured way during a couples intensive leads to some of the most fulfilling work of my clinical career.
Many couples just get more out of a longer format setting. Not to mention the ease of getting so much done in one day, versus trying to schedule weekly sessions wedged between work, kids, and a busy life.
-Phil Boissiere, LMFT
WHO IS A COUPLES INTENSIVE FOR?
Couples at a crossroad
Making a decision about the future of a relationship can be very hard. Sometimes one member of the couple is unsure whether they want to continue in the relationship. Other times both members are unsure whether to continue the relationship. These couples often find it very helpful being guided through a process where “no stone is left unturned.” Navigating a challenging crossroad is much easier when the couple has a complete understanding of their relationship and the ability to paint a picture of what the future may look like.
Couples wanting a jumpstart
The couples therapy intensive allows for weeks of ground to be covered in one day. When a couple is extremely busy or they simply value efficiency, the intensive model can serve as way to move quickly into couples therapy. After the intensive, follow up sessions can be very targeted, goal focused, and skills based.
Couples ending a relationship
When a couple is divorcing, separating, or breaking up, there is often considerable blame, shame, confusion, and resentment. By understanding the complete picture of all factors that contributed to the downfall of the relationship, couples can usually move forward in more peaceful and amicable way. Life is too precious to spend it in place of resentment and pain.
THE FOUR PARTS OF THE COUPLES INTENSIVE MODEL
Assessment
Couples often feel confused, scared, hurt, and angry during the most challenging times of their relationship. Unfortunately, this leads to considerable blame and shame that often creates seemingly insurmountable obstacles and power struggles. During the comprehensive assessment process, factors such as each individual’s communication styles, patterns of reacting, “love languages”, and family of origin are explored in detail. By gathering this information, Phil Boissiere LMFT can construct a picture of all factors have contributed to the couples struggles.
Results
Having the full constellation of dynamics causing relational dysfunction presented in a clear and comprehensive way can be very powerful. By hearing an objective explanation of both current and historical factors driving the relationship breakdown, the couple can see that the struggles are not “your fault” or “my fault”, rather they are a confluence of complex issues.
Discussion
Without a professionally facilitated discussion, couples will typically feel discombobulated as if they were put in a “shake and bake” bag and sent out on their way. The goal of the discussion portion of the couples therapy intensive is to help the couple gain an in-depth understanding and ultimately acceptance of the situation they find themselves in. Couples often experience this level of clarity as the “missing link” in understanding how they got to this difficult point. Leaving no stone unturned allows the couple to feel more resolved in the decisions they will make in the planning stage of the process.
Planning
By this point in the couples intensive people are ready to develop an agreed upon future focused plan. Whether a couple is deciding to end a relationship, separate, or take one more try at working on the relationship–a clear plan is critical. Having a mutually agreed upon plan greatly decreases animosity, resentment, and any undue damage to themselves, children, or family members.