There is considerable information out there about adult ADHD relationships. Unfortunately, the bulk of this information focuses on the negative effects adult ADHD has on relationships. I think it is of equal importance to give some attention to how adult ADHD can actually prevent the person with ADHD from being empowered in their relationship. This lack of empowerment can limit one’s ability to change or even get out of a bad relationship.
I see this often with clients who “come out of the ADHD fog” as I have named it. When adults are too distracted, forgetful, or struggling to maintain work or school performance, they often don’t have the psychological resources to address their romantic relationships. Something that also makes this problem worse, is that most adults with ADHD have considerable shame and self-doubt, which leads them to believe that any relationship struggles they face, are their own fault. It is true that adult ADHD can wreak havoc on relationships. However, this does not give clemency to the non-ADHD partner, nor does it mean that issues unrelated to adult ADHD also plague some relationships.
It is an honor to accompany my clients on their journey towards change. We all deserve healthy, symbiotic, and supportive relationships. Those people challenged by adult ADHD need to know and believe that also, so they may advocate for themselves and shape their lives in a positive way. There are many people walking around San Francisco that I have worked with around adult ADHD relationships through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), skills training, and relationship work. To know that there are people who are out of the fog and living life to it’s fullest, and know that I touched their lives, gives me a great big smile inside.